Week 13 - "...Choice. The problem is choice."

Hi, everyone,

This week's quote is from Matrix: Reloaded, which I would only recommend you watch if it's been edited.

When I look back on the events of this week, I feel like they couldn't all have happened in 7 days. It's been a lot. Here are some of the highlights:

We had a multi-zone conference attended by Elder Bennett, a member of one of the quorums of Seventy and the president of the North America Northeast Area, the area in which our mission resides. And it was awesome. I took a lot of notes, and I wish I could send them all (maybe I could just take some pictures. I'll think about that when I'm writing). It was awesome. He got up at the pulpit, decided that that wasn't the right setting for the meeting he wanted to have, got a microphone and came down and stodd in front of the pews, and started talking. he said he didn't have anything planned, but he felt like there were some points of doctrine that we urgently needed to talk about, and there was a lot to cover. He said he didn't know what we'd be talking about ten minutes from the time we started, much less an hour later, and we were going to be there until 1 before we'd had a break. The meeting properly started at 9 a.m. The close of the meeting was planned for  4 p.m., which is when we would later finish. When we first arrived, before the meeting began, I got to talk to the other elders in the mission who were in my MTC district--they all happened to be in the group of zones that would be at that meeting (there were two meetings held, one for the northern zones and one for the southern zones). So I got to see Elder Mitton (he got there earliest), and we hugged and talked about how things were going in our areas and stuff and asked how each other was. Later my MTC companion, Elder Lambert, showed up. It was good to see him, but we didn't get to talk much. He seemed like he was doing well, though. And then I also saw Elder De Haan briefly before the meeting began and in the hallway later. When the meeting ended, we all had to take off pretty quickly, and it bummed me out a little that I didn't get to talk to them much, but I guess that's how mission life is--on regular days when you're not meeting, getting ready in the morning, driving, winding down at the end of the day, or eating, you've got to be working. Anyway, Elder Bennett talked about a lot of things, but to me one of the most significant things he talked about was agency and invitations for commitments. He said sometimes we treat people we're teaching like they're objects, but they're agents, and we have to let them act. He said sometimes lessons are 30- to 45-minute downloads of information, and that has to stop. As Elder Thomas put it, lessons have to be about guided self-discovery. Elder Bennett pointed out that conversion does not happen through passive reception, and it's only when people act that the spirit can get into their hearts. We shouldn't just give people the answer, we should ask them questions. We should let them ask the questions and find the truth (I would add that that happens through the Holy Ghost). He also said (and this feels absolutely right to me, but I was suprised to hear him say it) that the goal is to teach to meet needs, not to download as much information as we can in one period of time. He said we shouldn't rush things. I agree. Work here has felt pretty slow, but the concept of letting people ask the questions and come after the truth themselves is actually something Elder Thomas and I have been trying to implement for a little while now. We've had a lot of discoveries as we've discussed the concept of only giving people what they ask for instead of giving them a glut of information they don't need when they ask a question. And if they want to know more, they can ask further questions, and you answer them (I remember a particular instance in the scriptures in which this pattern is shown, but I'm going to have to look for it a little bit, and I may not get the chance before the end of this email). We've realized that we get so excited to teach people the gospel that sometimes our behavior turns them away. We thought about it and decided that for an investigator, consenting to be taught the lessons and watching us start planning for baptism might feel like saying yes to a date and then watching your date start to plan the happy, married life you'll have together (some of you at BYU-Idaho may know what that feels like). It's uncomfortable, and it kind of freaks you out and makes you want to start pumping the brakes on the relationship. Anyway, the point for us is that we can't be so excited at the prospect of someone being a member of the church that we start ignoring their needs and concerns and what it is they want. A lesson is a lesson, and we should treat it as such, and allow people to progress as they desire to. On the other side of that coin, however, is commitments. I've been a little uncomfortable up to this point with the idea of commiting people to do certain things--it feels sort of demanding and pushy. But I think it's just that way because I see that way, and it doesn't have to be that way. There's demanding that someone do something, and then there's asking them if they want to do it. Hopefully, if we have built a relationship enough that they're aware that we love and care about them, when we invite them to do something, they won't feel pressured into doing it, but will choose to do it because they feel it would be a good thing to do. What I've realized is that if you do it in the right spirit, inviting people to make commitments is less about pressuring them to do things they feel unsure about, and more about taking them to a crossroads and asking them, "Which direction do you want to go?" Our role when we invite people to make commitments is one that causes change and progress in their lives, but that doesn't mean it has to be overbearing or pushy, and it shouldn't be. It seems to me, however, that part of our work is about not allowing people to be passive, but prodding them to become agents for themselves. They invite us into their lives, and then we come to them, give them information, and say, "Make a choice." We invite them to get off of autopilot and start moving their lives in the direction they're interested in taking it. It reminds me of that scripture that talks about how Jesus would rather we be hot or cold than be lukewarm. I think part of our work is to show people paths and, if they are willing, allow us to guide them down one of them. It was a powerful realization for me to have, and it's one of the ones I've appreciated the most.

The next day was weekly planning, so we were inside for a lot of them time, but the NEXT day felt awesome. I feel like zone conferences just pump me up, and our desire to be obedient after we have them brings us success. We experienced a tiny miracle on that day: We went out to the area of the library to find, and I tried to allow myself to be guided by the spirit. We went down a street, crossed it, and then went back up. It was a little confusing for me, but that's where I felt like we should go. As we walked on the other side, we passed a cemetary, and we saw some people walking dogs on the grounds. We walked past, and then there was a sign just off the sidewalk. I felt curious about what it said, and at the same time, I felt like I SHOULD look at it, like I was being directed to. So I stopped and started reading it, and then the people we had seen came up behind us to look at it, so I sort of apologetically stepped out of the way, and one of the two women (there were two women, one man, and two dogs) said, "You're fine." And then she said, "I thought you were elders." We were a bit confused, because we didn't think she was a ward member (we hadn't seen her before), and then she said that her parents were members of the church. So we struck up a conversation and got to know each other a little better. I fumbled, though. I felt like I should say, "You're probably familiar with the beliefs of our church, but," (turning to the other two, the man and the woman), "are you familiar with our beliefs at all?" And then I would invite them to watch a little Basic Beliefs video. I didn't feel like there was a good time to cut into the conversation though, and then they said goodbye, and I didn't want to be obnoxious and keep them for any longer after they said they were going to leave, so nothing really happened. But I'm praying we see them again.

Later that day we got to go see Hope, an investigator we've been seeing ever since I got here. He had been gone in Texas for about a month (he was the one who first called us and asked us if we had forgotten about him a few weeks ago), and we invited him to come to church. It was good to see him. During the lesson, Elder Thomas realized that I was the only one who wasn't wearing glasses, so Hope went back into his apartment and got another pair of reading glasses for me to wear, and we all wore glasses as we read the scriptures. We read Moroni 6 together, and then later Hope read Moroni 4:3 aloud, and Elder Thomas and I talked about it afterward, and we were like, "We want to hear him do that in a chapel someday." (Check the reference, and you'll understand.) We invited him to church the next day, and he said he might be able t come. That day we had been inviting Nancy to church as well, and she said she would come!

Another miracle happened on Sunday. We had gotten to church early (we had to bum a ride), and we were texting with Nancy, and she expressed that she was coming to church, so we were waiting and doing some other contact things, trying to be productive, and then we got a random text from a Sister who was wondering what our meeting times were, so we told her, and then she asked our names, and we told her, and then she let us know that she was visiting and was coming to church with her less-active father and her aunt, who is not a member. We were like, "Yeah, that sounds great." We met her at church (Nancy came, BTW--it was great. She's built some relationships with members of the ward and said it was a great experience and asked when we'd be meeting next), and come to find out that she got home from her mission on THURSDAY. Apparently she's just an amazing person and was like, "Welp, now I'm back from my mission. I'm reactivating my family." We've got an appointment set for them Wednesday.

Oh, man, there was more I wanted to talk about, but I'm almost out of time. Just a few pieces of context for the images: The LEGO set was $5 at the grocery store today, and puzzles are allowed under mission rules, and I think LEGO is kind of like a puzzle. The little painting is something we did in a district activity today. The calendar was a calendar I got for free last week at the food pantry we help out at and it shows interesting places around the world: It's inspired by a book called "Atlas Obscura" about lesser-known locations, which I want to read when I get back.

By the way, We're taking a person we're teaching on a chapel tour Tuesday. Pray for us!

I love you all! I'm sorry I didn't send any other emails today! District activities take up a lot of time.

Elder Davis