Week 18 - "I've come to the end of me, Rita."

Hello, everyone.

This week's quote is from Groundhog Day (as many of them have been). I feel like I'm seeing a pattern in some of these subject line choices. I'll be interested at the end of all of this to see which movies I favored as far as choices for quotes.

Well, this week has been a lot of things. It's been tough, it's been great, it's been harrowing, and it's been uplifting.

Life in Warren is somewhat different from life in Worthington. We have a car full-time, so transportation isn't quite as difficult, but we also have a tough time getting people to commit to appointments at specific times, so it seems like a lot of our time is spent dropping by people and seeing if we can catch them at home and teach them. We also haven't had a great deal of success finding new people to teach, but I haven't been great at talking to everyone, either. Part of that may be because I've been sick the past couple of days. I woke up one morning with what felt like an upper respiratory infection. I'm not certain where it came from. We helped rake a person's leaves about a week ago and pulled them back to an area behind her house that was a little swampy, and I remember eating something and forgetting to wash my hands before doing it, so it may have come from there. There are also vents right next to/below both of our beds, and we sometimes smell cigarette smoke coming through them (I think from an adjacent apartment or something?), so we shut both of them, but that may have contributed. In any case, I woke up Saturday feeling kind of crummy, and so most of the day was just spent with me following along with what Elder Anderson was doing and being dead weight. It was a little rough. It's basically all cleared up now, though, so I'm feeling a lot better.

The past week we met with John and Jeanne (that's the couple I mentioned in my last email who came to stake conference) a few times, and they seem like they're just fully committed, full steam ahead to being a part of the church. The kinds of things that people sometimes get hung up on when they're investigating the church just don't faze them. She grew up in another church, and she keeps saying that what we teach and what other religions teach generally was never, ever discussed in her own upbringing, and that a lot of what we teach makes complete sense to her. John said they've found their people with the church, and Jeanne has expressed feeling an atmosphere of great love when she comes to church. John is always trying to find ways to help us out, too--whenever we come over he offers us a drink, some Fiji water or some soda, and he had us over for pizza once and bought a bunch of extra and had us take it home. They're awesome. They came to church on Sunday, too, and they seemed to really enjoy it. They started getting to know a few of the members, too. If their teaching and stuff continues to go well, they'll probably be members themselves by the end of the transfer.

I enjoyed church as well. It was my first time meeting with the ward, as last week was stake conference. Our ward's a bit smaller, and so is the building. The chapel is probably half the size of your standard chapel, and there are no pews--they just set up chairs for all of us to sit in. The 2nd hour, because it was a 5th Sunday, was devoted to talking about personal finance. I hope to take some tips from it to help me manage my MSF money as a missionary.

At the beginning of the Sacrament meeting, the bishop announced something that we missionaries had been told a few days prior: President Stratford got us all on a conference call a few nights ago (I think it was on Tuesday) and announced that in Mission Leadership Council earlier that day, the missionaries there (including the district leaders, who were all there, which was unusual for MLC) decided that we needed to give up district activities (which, honestly, was totally fine with me--there aren't enough hours in a preparation day anyway) and stop having member meals. There had been hints that this was a practice we were going to stop since the mission conference last transfer with Elder Bennett. We now cannot eat meals with members unless there is a nonmember present who we can teach, and we are encouraged to visit members, but for no more than 20 minutes at a time, and with the goal of uplifting them spiritually and teaching them how to do missionary work. At first I was a little resentful about it, but as President Stratford spoke during the conference call, I felt like it was a good idea. I guess some members have been asked how their member missionary work is going, and they say they feed the missionaries, so they're doing good. That's not enough. I've realized as a missionary that the blessings we receive on conditions of our obedience are people to teach. That's what we're here to do, and it's a blessing to have someone who will invite us into their lives so we can give them the good things we have to offer. When people give us meals, that's nice, but it isn't what we as missionaries really need. We need them to help us to find people to teach. We can approach people on the street or knock on people's doors, but those aren't the only ways of finding people, and one of the ways we can find people (and statistically the most effective way, and the way that leads to the most people entering the church) is through members. I think one of the attitudes, therefore, that this change is based on has to do with the idea that if members want to help us, and they no longer have the avenue of giving us food in the same way (they have been told that they can send us away from their homes with something to-go or give us a gift card if they really want to feed us), then they'll look for other ways to help us, and one of those ways will hopefully be referrals. 

The mission leaders let us know that there would probably be push back from the change, so they asked us to express our support for the change. During district council Wednesday they asked us to talk about our reactions to the change, actually, and we all felt that it was a good thing. On Sunday the new sister missionary in the area and I (there are two companionships in our area: one of elders and one of sisters) were invited to go up to the pulpit and introduce ourselves and share our testimony, so I used that as an opportunity to express my support.

I feel like I'm getting off-track. The point, and the reason for the subject line, is that there have been a lot of times in the past week that I've felt like I've had to sacrifice something that I thought was important. Like, today we went grocery shopping, and I went over budget, and I felt frustrated with the new change regarding member meals. When I was sick I was looking at a missionary guidebook for health, and one of the things it had was a list of good, healthy foods to have, and I felt today like I was focusing on getting the kinds of things we've been advised to eat, and on tightening my budget, but then I was still going over budget. To be honest, I feel like I've been trying to feed myself healthy stuff since I've been out, but I've never been able to make my budget work. I just felt angry, like we're being asked to make unreasonable sacrifices and to do two things at the same time that contradict each other: budget our money and eat what's good for us. But when I was in the apartment today after shopping, thinking about what I'm here for and about missionary work, the scripture that says, "Take no thought what ye should eat ... Your Father knows that you have need of all these things," popped into my head. All throughout my mission so far I've felt like I've seen lots of blessings, especially in the form of food, to the point that my companion and I have had more than we could even eat. I realized when that scripture came into my mind that there's no need to worry and that I will be provided for.

Another thing I've been struggling with is keeping my mind on the work, or loving God with all my heart, might, mind and strength--my mind keeps running through movies and music from back home, and it's been tough to keep it from wandering sometimes. Yesterday morning I was studying Matthew 16 for Come, Follow Me and read the Joseph Smith Translation for verses 27 and 28, and I feel like I was taught something that I had been in the process of learning over the past couple of weeks. I put in my study journal, "I feel like 'delayed gratification,' such as it is, is sort of what the gospel is all about. We're not here to stay--we've got something much better, something that will make us much happier waiting for us after this life. We can't allow ourselves to get stuck on what this life has to offer us. We aren't here for it. (v29) Our souls are more important." 

I've been thinking about what I understand about "The Hymn of the Pearl," from what my brother, Max, has told me about it, and it's basically the story of our lives from pre-earth life to mortality and our return to our Heavenly Father. The protagonist is a prince sent to a far-off land to retrieve a pearl, but while he's there he forgets who he is and forgets what he's there for. Eventually he remembers and resumes his mission. We are the prince, and to come to Earth and decide that we want all the things that it has to offer us, to stay or become concerned about things of little significance is a tragedy because we're meant for much more. We were not sent to Earth to stay. This isn't our destination. We have "someplace yet to go, beyond where we have been." (that's from the Nauvoo Pageant)

This email felt like an absolute mess as I was writing it, so I'm sorry if it's completely incoherent. There have been other instances where I've felt the need to make sacrifices to do better. I guess what I'm trying to say is that being on a mission is a purifying experience. It's a refiner's fire. And if you trust in the Lord, you'll make it through it, and you'll come out better than you were before on the other end. I'm reminded of that moment in Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration where one of the members of the church, sick and laying on the ground, tells the prophet, "My pride has brought me very low," to which the prophet responds, "Now the Lord can lift you higher." It's an intimidating prospect, but the change that results when you come on a mission is worth the sacrifice you make. What you sacrifice is temporal. The change that you experience in exchange for your sacrifice is something you'll get to keep with you forever, into the eternities.

I love you all, and I'm excited for general conference. I hear there's going to be a special between sessions on one of the days about three Amish families from Ohio who converted to the church, so keep an eye out for that. And hold on to your hats--from what President Nelson says, it sounds like we've got some more changes on the way.

Elder Davis