Week 63 - *sigh* "I hate being in the middle."

Hello, everyone!

This week's quote is from Kronk (voiced by Patrick Warburton) in The Emperor's New Groove.

There's a thing or two that has happened this week that has made me very conscious of the importance of the data privacy laws that we're asked to follow as missionaries, so there are some stories I may have to just tell you in person in about 43 weeks. One of them, though, pertains to the subject line, so I can outline that one in brief. 

Suffice it to say that my weeks are back to being "interesting."

We recently became aware that someone we're working with has a drug problem, and the last time we met them, they were high on amphetamines. This person is living with someone else who was concerned for their well-being, and while we were in the house with the two of them, the one whom we're concerned about went to another part of the house to do something and wasn't coming back. In the meantime the person living with them discussed with us the problem, as well as the stress it was causing them, and after a while expressed that they should probably go check to see what was going on. We said we'd take care of it, so we went to that part of the house, and the person was fine, but had gotten distracted doing something. We basically just sat and talked with them and learned a lot more of their story. It was probably a good thing, because the things they told us are things they probably wouldn't have told us had they been sober, and I think it helped us get a sense for the place they're coming from and the difficulties they've faced in life. I can't speak for my companion, but it gave me a lot of sympathy for them. Then the person they were living with came down and sort of started arguing with them a little, and we had to do what we could, just distract and deflect, to keep the situation calm. Then we went with this person to another part of town to help them grab something they needed. We drove our own car to get there and followed them as they drove, which was good, because they initially went entirely the wrong direction, stopped and asked us where we were going, and then were crossing the middle yellow double line a lot of the time. 

Anyway, we got done with that task, and they said they were tired (they were on their way down from the high). We asked why, and then they let us know what we already knew: That they had relapsed. They gave us the details, though, and they explained what was going to happen for them now, how they were going to feel a lot of shame and guilt and be depressed. They also told us that when they're spun out they go around and hide any more of the drug they have in different places, and then they don't remember anything, so they might stumble on it again and then be tempted to take it, which is the main situation where they face a lot of difficulty. We sat with them and explained that what they experience is where Satan gets involved: He tempts and tells us to do things, trying to get us to believe that we won't face any negative consequences or that it's not a big deal, or that we'll be all right, and then immediately after we've done what we weren't supposed to do, what he told us to do, he turns on us and makes us feel irredeemable. He doesn't support his children. He does all he can to get us to sin, and then when we do, he tells us there's no hope for us and exploits those moments to make us despair. Anyhow, we told this person to lie down and get some rest and did what we could to take care of them and left. I feel like that was exactly what we were supposed to do, and that us being there allowed the power of God and the Spirit to get involved. It also allowed us to have an impact on their friend, the person who was concerned for them. We've been wanting to teach that person, and we were able to show them what we're really about, what we really do and how we can really help. We sent them the manual for spouses and families of those in addiction recovery, and we're going to talk to the other person about the addiction recovery program the next time we get a chance. We did mention it to them and talk about what it can do for them when they were sobering up, but we're not sure how much they remember. Which, now that I think about it, there may be something in the missionary handbook about dealing with people in those situations. I vaguely remember being told to leave when we encounter people who are under the influence. Oh, there it is: It's in the rule clarifications for our mission. "Do not teach people who are intoxicated." Huh. Whoops. Well, to learn and improve is to repent, as the safeguards manual says.

Earlier this week Elder Henshaw and his trainee from a few transfers ago, Elder McEwan, were on splits in Delaware while I was with Elder Yukihiro in Lewis Center. When they went and visited a member family, the husband and wife expressed dissatisfaction with the current mission rule about meals with members. A few days later we sent them a text thanking them for having us over and asking if there was another time we could come by. They told us if we ever wanted dinner they should let us know. We played it off like we didn't know what they meant and said we could certainly take dinner to go and asked when a good time would be to come and visit and share a message. They haven't responded. The father gave a talk in church on Sunday about courage and the courage it takes to be a member of the church, which I thought was a little ironic, considering they may be trying to encourage us or pressure us into disobeying our mission president. I've never found myself in the middle like that so far on my mission. Missionaries have talked a lot about how much people hate the meal rule, and I've found people who were upset about it, but I never felt like they were just bitter and didn't want to meet with missionaries anymore. I guess I have my first taste of that now, if you'll pardon the pun.

We also were able to meet with a less-active member, but she's a single mother, she only had the weekend open this one time, and we wanted to get some Primary leadership over there, so it took a lot of coordination and communication and planning to figure out which woman from the Primary presidency and her husband could go with us to visit them. I don't mind being in that role of coordinating and planning (for instance, I enjoy being the Dispatcher playing Pandemic), but it doesn't always feel particularly useful.

This next part is going to be pretty personal, but I'm a little confused sometimes about what I'm supposed to be doing here. I used to think that there were unexplored ways of doing missionary work I needed to help missionaries become accustomed to and see success from, but I haven't seen much fruit from those things as of yet. I feel like part of my job has been to love and care about people, and to show them that, but so far the people I've tried the hardest with haven't shown significant progress. And yet I feel like the way we've been helping them is what the Lord has wanted us to do. I feel like I've been following the Spirit, though I can't speak for my companion. I suppose there may have been times that I have been disobedient because the Spirit prompted us to do things that I didn't feel comfortable doing. I suppose if that's the case that could be a reason for our lack of "success." I don't know. There are many ways for me to improve, but I don't always feel capable of doing some of the things most missionaries feel comfortable with and capable of doing. I can work with members, I can visit less-actives and inactives, I can teach, I can introduce people to family history, I can give people blessings, I can contact people online, I can talk with people in a setting where it feels appropriate (like a service opportunity), I can support my companion as he street contacts or tracts and contribute to the conversation, but initiating contact with people on the street and at people's front doors is just not something I know how to do without feeling horrible when I get rejected in person. I take things pretty personally in those contacts. And they're the kind of contacts that I don't feel like would work on me if I was contacted by missionaries--they feel pretty inconsiderate from my end. I don't know how to get over it. I've tried a lot of different things and tried to understand and attack the issue in a lot of different ways, but I can't seem to overcome it. On the other hand, when I was with Elder Yukihiro this last week we knocked on some people's doors, looking to share the survey with people. We only had one person answer, and they were willing to take the survey, so that was nice--that was a good experience--but most of my experiences doing contacting like that have been negative, so I gravitate toward other ways of finding people. I also just don't see contacting people in that way working in most cases. And yet we haven't had very much luck in the past several weeks. I don't think we've found a single new person to teach that's actually stuck. But we've helped a lot of people, I think. We have a bunch of recent converts, and most of them still aren't finished receiving the new member lessons. In addition, based on previous areas and experiences out here, I feel it's important to make sure recent converts are retained, and some of them are learning pretty slowly, so helping these recent converts takes a fair amount of our time. As I mentioned previously in this email, we also seem to be assisting other people, people we're teaching, and I feel compelled to help those people when we're with them, I feel like that's what Jesus would do, but I guess I don't feel like that's what our specific purpose is, because so much emphasis is put on teaching formal lessons and finding new people to teach formal lessons to.

Anyhow, I guess if you have any suggestions for me, missionary or no, I'd be open to them. You can reach me at gabriel.davis@missionary.org.

On a more spiritual note, I was thinking this morning about a problem we sometimes encounter as missionaries regarding teaching people: We want people to understand that we love and care about them, but we also want them to understand that we're not just there to chat: We have a purpose. We want them to change their lives. People we teach sometimes see us as their friends who share nice, comforting things with them, and that's fine, it's not a bad place to start, but they need to understand what we're really there for. We're there because we want them to partake of and participate in the abundant life (see John 10:10). But that does require some effort on their part. It does require them to do some things (see John 10:4). It may help for them to understand that we're transitory, that we won't stay. On the topic of John 10, we point to the true shepherd, but they need to connect with him personally if they're going to have the kind of lasting help that only he can give them. He gives them those same feelings of the Spirit that we bring with us to the people we meet with, but he does it more. He does it more abundantly and more effectively, and to have him with them, they need to do the things he asks them to do. 

That being said, it's not very reasonable to require a person who's not even a convert yet to find themselves with a deep and personal relationship with Jesus Christ in the matter of a few days. Still, for them to understand that gaining that relationship is the goal is important.

Anyhow, that was a little out of nowhere, but I tend to include a spiritual thought in my emails, and I thought that might be important for someone to read.

Thanks for reading. Also, I apologize I don't have the cool thing I promised from last week: I had a Moleskine journal I bought in Worthington and started writing in at the tail end of February of last year as my gospel study journal, and I just filled it, and now I'm writing my study insights in another journal. I wanted to make a GIF of me flipping through it. I'll do it tonight and include it in next week's email.

Love you all.

Elder Davis