Week 71 - "You need a purpose. More specifically, you need a job."

Hello, everyone.

This week's quote comes from Harold Finch, a character in the TV show Person of Interest.

The past few weeks have been... different, to say the least. I felt like I was pushing myself at a relatively fast pace since Delaware. Now it seems like everything has slowed way down, and it's difficult for us sometimes to find things to do and to remain engaged. One of the things we're doing now is participating in an online institute class taught by one of the members of the stake. We do that every Tuesday and Thursday morning. The church is also adding some applications on our phones: Some are educational, and we can use them to learn different skills. Others are more gospel message and gospel media oriented. In any case, it's been very easy for me to get unfocused and unmotivated. It doesn't seem like there are a lot of things we can do right now. I feel like most missionaries feel that way. I think the type of work we can do right now is just so foreign from the type of work they've been doing--they're used to being in person with people, not just on a phone call (which is what most of our work consists of: Many of our members and the people we talk to do not have smartphones or experience with technology--the branch is mostly older people--so we haven't done a lot of video calling).

One thing we have been doing every night is holding a little devotional. We connect with our whole district over video chat, and each person has been assigned to give a little spiritual thought. That's been a good morale booster, because we're able to connect with other missionaries and see their success and hear their ideas and so forth. One of those evenings one of the missionaries, Sister Lowe, talked about re-establishing our focus and our purpose, about recommitting ourselves to Heavenly Father and to our mission, and if I remember correctly, it was that comment that drew me to today's subject line. I've sort of been drifting in the wind, and when we don't feel like there's much for us to do, it's easy to feel like we just need to hunker down and wait until this is all over. That's exactly what I want to do--I can't tell you how many times my mind has told me to just go watch a movie or play a video game, that that's what I need to do to relieve stress and feel happy. I know that it wouldn't really help, certainly not in the long run, but it's hard to tell myself that.

Hunkering down and being selfish is exactly what we don't need to do. That won't make us happy. When we reach out and help others, we'll feel the love of God in our lives more and be happier. We'll feel the Spirit. So we have to fight and overcome that tendency to turn inward and follow the example of Christ by turning outward. But it's tough. It's a conscious decision we have to make. And we can't do much more than talk to people and listen to them, because we can't be in personal contact. It would be one thing if we could serve them in person, maybe help them with a task or a chore, but we're not able to do that right now.

What can I tell you all about? I finished The Book of Mormon, finally. It was a really good experience. If I were alone in isolation, I might start in on the Doctrine and Covenants and the Old Testament, but I don't know how effective that use of our time would be, and from what I've seen most missionaries aren't reacting well to this, and I'd prefer not to drive my companion crazy by just having us study all day.

General Conference was really great. I think the talks are all things that we're going to be able to come back to years from now. I had the thought while we were watching that many of them would be pillars on the subjects they were given on, that they are talks that will be reviewed and pointed to and studied in the coming years. I especially appreciated Elder Christofferson's talk, which had solid principles for how to do missionary work. You need to love, show your example, and use The Book of Mormon. Elder Holland's talk was also incredible, as all his talks are. If I had more time I would talk more about conference, but the end of our preparation day is fast approaching, and I still need to call my family. Plus we still wanted to get out and go on a hike or something. I just really enjoyed it. It was a good experience. Now, since it's all over, I feel a bit blah, like there's not a lot to look forward to in the future anymore: I don't know how long this isolation is going to go on for (it sounds like at least until the end of April), and I don't know what we can do to help people that will be all that significant.

I don't know--my emotions and mood are up and down. I don't intend to be depressing, but I feel somewhat depressed. The thing is, in a lot of ways we're in the best place we could be right now as young adults. We don't have to worry about the basics of our survival (money for groceries, our housing and other essentials are all being provided for us). There's a lot to be happy about and a lot to feel blessed about, but I also have this sense of dread that hangs over me. I guess it happens when I look at news headlines on Facebook, so maybe I should stop doing that and try to focus on the positive, on helping and uplifting and being a light to other people.

I'm not sure if I have much to share from a spiritual perspective. I guess I had some insights during conference that I can share. When conference was starting, I had the sense that it was going to be special, and I feel like I was taught that I am where I am for a reason and have a work to do, even if I don't always feel like doing it. When President Nelson started to speak when he announced the new proclamation, I felt electrified. It was really awesome. But now I feel... I don't know. Down? I felt that on and off during conference, too. There were many times when my concerns came to the forefront of my mind, and I wrote them down.

I guess I'm not sure what else to say this time. We did have a really awesome experience (a miracle) where we were out walking, just getting in our exercise, and we were stopped by someone I used to teach in Warren who I had been talking with. I found out a week or two ago that she had moved here to Cambridge. Her name is Ashley We chatted for a bit (through her car window, from 6 feet away, of course), and then asked what we could do for her. She asked for a copy of The Book of Mormon, which we gave her, along with an additional copy, an ARP handbook (for someone she knows who's struggling with addiction), some children's activity books, and two of my mom's children's picture books (she has a young son). She said she would read The Book of Mormon and talk to us about what she read the next day, and she said she wanted to have a lesson over video sometime. So I'll let you know what happens with her. Also, I emailed Nancy from Worthington, and what she said made it sound like she had been considering joining the church, so that's exciting.

I guess my message would be that even when it's hard, there are good things, and we have to make an effort to look for them, but once we do, we can feel happiness and hope. When John Taylor had finished singing "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" in Carthage Jail someone asked him to sing it again, and he said, "I don't feel like singing." One of the Smith brothers, I think it may have been Hyrum, said something along the lines of, "Well, start anyway and you'll soon get the spirit of it." We have to exercise our agency very consciously right now, I guess, to try to reach out to help others and to try to find and accentuate the good and the positive.

I'm feeling a little better now. I'm sorry if the majority of this email felt like kind of a downer. Please pray for us. If you know a missionary, ask what you can do for them. If they don't have an answer for you, please pray and ponder about it and see if you can find some way to help them. We need it. Most of all, please do the same for your ministering families and those around you you are concerned for. Maybe kneel in prayer and ask Heavenly Father to help you, then start writing down a list of names of people you can reach out to and ask them what you can do for them. I promise you will feel more purpose and more joy as you serve and help others. It's easier said than done, but it will be worth it. I'm saying that as much for myself as for you.

Elder Davis

The puzzle shelves at Walmart. Looks like everyone knows they're going to be inside. Unfortunately, puzzles are among the few things in this aisle we can actually do. Board games and card games are not on our list of approved activities. A lot of people at the store today were wearing masks, too. I guess it has me worried.